Precisely

Recently I spoke with my friend Tom whose wife is recovering from a critical illness. He is self-employed and able to ply his trade from home while attending to Karen - helping her in every possible way. He said he is now playing a much more significant role in his wife’s daily needs than he ever imagined a husband might play. Yet he is surprised how both of them have adjusted to their new situation. He said that, “Surprisingly we have become much closer… both practically and emotionally.”

I told Tom that I understood perfectly. Some years ago I had a friend who suffered with terminal cancer. At his request I would visit him each day with communion, but I wondered if the major reason he looked forward to my arrival was so that I could accommodate his trip to the toilet. I assumed that he might be trying to spare his wife the additional burden of that particular indignity.

"Tom," I said, “there's nothing like bending over a toilet and putting your arms around someone who needs your strength to stand. That is a moment of total vulnerability for the both of you. The person you are helping gives over their dignity without the advantage of any choice in the matter, and you, by serving in such an intimate way, become humbled just as much as the person you serve. It strips away every facade and puts the two of you on the very same level. There is something almost righteous about it.”

"Precisely," was his reply.